it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
