Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
