when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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