just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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