Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
