Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
