As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
