Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
