It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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