i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
