Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
