You just made me feel so damn special
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
