Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
