i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you traded sex for a burrito?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
