wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize