In the future we'll all be gay
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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