I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
