so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
