he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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