Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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