All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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