We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize