i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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