I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize