I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize