Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
