My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He has the fingertips of a God
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