i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
