I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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