She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
