We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize