My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
