Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You are the jesus of drinking
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
