I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
