i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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