Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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