Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Randomize
