I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Hippo gnu deer
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
