And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
