Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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