Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
