Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
did you just send me my own nude
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
