wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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