Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
