everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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