Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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