How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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