i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
