a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
