where am i from again
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize