God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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