have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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