So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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