you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
