i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize