Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
