Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
