I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
soo... how was my night?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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