so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
