Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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