so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
