he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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