So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
