is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
