quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
