i don't like sucking hair
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
