At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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