apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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