Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
how drunk are you?
Several
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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