Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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