Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
