We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
